The holiday season can bring joy, connection, and shared traditions, but for many couples, it also brings stress and complicated dynamics, especially when extended family is involved. If you and your partner find yourselves debating which family’s traditions to follow, feeling caught between differing expectations, or struggling to keep everyone happy, you’re not alone.

These holiday dilemmas are common among couples, and they often center around questions like:

• Whose family do we visit this year?
• How do we balance quality time with our kids without offending relatives?
• And what do we do when in-laws offer unsolicited advice on everything from gifts to parenting?

These kinds of questions can feel minor on the surface, but they can quickly snowball into feelings of resentment, overwhelm, and frustration just when you’d hoped to feel close and connected.

One of the most common stressors during the holidays is dealing with in-law dynamics. Many couples feel a push and pull between wanting to honor their partner’s family traditions and maintain their own without feeling like they’re compromising or disappointing someone. Cultural or generational differences can add to the strain, especially around traditions, gifts, and parenting styles. Differing opinions on bedtime routines, discipline, or boundaries often surface, creating friction between couples and extended family members. This tension often stems not just from differing holiday routines but from deeper, more ingrained family values and communication styles that come to the surface when everyone gathers together.

The buildup of these stressors can create tension long before the holiday festivities begin, but there’s no reason for this to overshadow your celebrations. This year, you can take a different approach. Here are five strategies to help you navigate these pressures more effectively and stay connected as a couple during the holiday season:

1. Get on the Same Page

Before the holiday rush begins, take time to have an honest, uninterrupted conversation with your partner about your holiday plans, priorities, and potential areas of friction. Aligning on the big-picture expectations—like deciding whose family to visit or whether to try new traditions—will help you feel grounded and less divided by external pressures. When you and your partner can make shared decisions proactively, it empowers both of you to handle the holidays as a team.

2. Set Clear Boundaries

With your partner, think through what types of boundaries would make holiday gatherings more manageable. This could be anything from establishing a hard end time for visits to limiting the number of activities you participate in with extended family. If certain family members have a habit of bringing up stressful topics (like parenting decisions or personal choices), plan ways to gently but firmly redirect conversations. When both you and your partner understand and respect each other’s limits, it makes setting and maintaining these boundaries easier and more effective.

3. Communicate Early and Directly

Share your holiday plans with family members as soon as possible. Communicating details about your timing, travel, and expectations for the season helps everyone adjust in advance and reduces any last-minute confusion. This is especially useful if your holiday schedule differs from what’s typical; giving family members a heads-up about any new plans, like splitting time between homes or scheduling quiet family-only days, can make transitions smoother and avoid misunderstandings.

4. Learn When to Take a Break

No matter how well you prepare, holiday gatherings can sometimes be overwhelming. To help each other manage stress, plan with your partner in advance about when and how you’ll take breaks if either of you feels overstimulated or needs time to reset. For instance, you might agree to check in every hour or take turns watching the kids while one of you goes for a short walk. Giving each other permission to step away when things feel tense can prevent overwhelm from spilling into your relationship. The important part is to agree on your plans ahead of time, so you’re both on board and ready to support each other in a low-key way.

5. Stay Flexible and Focus on Connection

While it’s important to plan, remember that flexibility can be just as valuable. Not every moment will go as expected, and sometimes letting go of strict plans can lead to more joy than clinging to rigid expectations. Embrace the little hiccups that inevitably come up and find humor in them. Approaching the holidays with a sense of flexibility can make everything feel lighter and more enjoyable, making room for unexpected moments of fun and connection.

Holidays can be a wonderful time for connection and celebration, but they often come with unique stresses for couples navigating family dynamics and competing traditions. The key to navigating holiday stress with extended family lies in honest communication, intentional boundary-setting, and giving each other grace. By aligning with your partner, planning for potential stressors, and staying flexible, you can preserve the joy of the season while fostering a deeper connection that strengthens your relationship through the holidays and beyond.